I have to combine these so that the joy of the 23rd will neutralize the depression of the 24th.
*If you want to cry along with me, here's the playlist backing up the moments of these days: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/4wFCDvbCFbZglKVwAJG2H3?si=9a5b7a9522784240&pt=eab2b001d8cafa35b0f592697c341da1 *
SATURDAY: We slept in super late, & I felt like a kid again--procrastinating getting up because the dread of the day was too heavy. I muted my alarm at least 8 times after 10:00 alone. The self awareness of what's going to change in the next 24 hours is simple to acknowledge but difficult to accept. We made a slow breakfast of coffee and toast and ate silently while we watched the waves wake up too. There are exciting parts of the day ahead--we washed the car (woohoo carwash) as our sweet Dacia was in desperate need (plus the car rental place required it to be cleaned before returning, the only one I know that has asked that, don't recommend Rijo Campers if anyone reading this is somehow randomly here for travel info?). The washers and vacuums for vehicles are free at gas stations in Iceland--which I think is pretty neat :).
We headed into Reykjavik & had a killer lunch at a bakery close to the entrance road to Þingvellir, and went to two waterfalls close by for hikes after. The first was the June 10 & Mary/Ethan waterfall, and the second was apparently in game of thrones? It was kind of an awkward hike, and we saw it, but didn't really *see* it, and we also lost Axelle for 10 minutes after she climbed down the cliff to try to drink from the waterfall. We went into Reykjavik afterward to check out the phallological museum--Axelle and I enjoyed it way more than Nathan, but it could’ve just been hitting too close to home if you know what I mean--then we thrifted and shopped around the main areas to kill time. We needed to go to the stable and do laundry before the blue lagoon this evening but didn't want to run into anyone other than the girls, so when the coast was clear, in we bumbled. They wanted to see photos and videos, so after we loaded the laundry we shared the finer and more ridiculous moments, and all laughed until we couldn't breathe correctly. A couple of Axelle's pants-less features, my falls, and Nathan's screams were enough to blast away any thought of the end of our venture. We went to the classic gas station near the stable to get a burger before…ITI!!!!!!!!
God I missed her so much, and our group finally feels *together* again, ya know? I know Axelle is happy to have her also, even though Axelle isn't one to talk emotions or feelings very overtly. We had 2 hours at the blue lagoon, and used every second to go out with a bang. Iti and I did our best putting the final flourish on #influencersinthewild , Axelle did what ever batshit stuff Axelle does when she doesn't have her glasses on, and Nathan spent half the time swimming under (?) the water and the other half taking photos for us as a 5-star paparazzi. It feels good to be child again, but with free beer. We took some dramatic Kardashain-esque photos for the mems (LOL), and enjoyed a long, hot shower in the facilities before heading home (Rikke's stable & parking spot lol) to organize our things and watch euphoria. Iti and I watched 3 full episodes, and I'll have to send her my password for HBO & VPN so she can report back to me her opinions and reactions. It's nice to have a buddy so interested in the same show so you can geek out about it together--I’ll miss our euphoria nights, hiding it from campsite monitors or tucked cozy in the car. The best type of viewing party.
As I write this now, I can only think of when I'd guess I'll be able to see my friends again. The world is so large, and each of our plans are so (gloriously) open ended--there's no gauge on what to expect in where we'll meet next. That thought is a bit disheartening to me, but on the other hand, encouraging. It makes me think of the scene in Fantastic Beasts & Where to Find Them, when Newt says goodbye to his buddies and is heading back home, and its sad, but also warm and encouraging. That's a really nerdy example, so I'm going to sleep now. It's 1am.
SUNDAY: I'm writing this from Boston Airport, and oh how low my spirits sway. I left today.
UGH IT FEELS LIKE A BAD BREAKUP?!?!?!?
So far, in between a couple moments of weakness, I have impressively held my composure together as I watched the miles add between me & the new family I just left. First flight was ok, a nice British man sat next to me and encouraged me to return to Iceland for longer, look into green/blue cards, and follow my friends to the ends of the earth. "Get out of this country" he championed. "I have two daughters, and don't trust their safety or rights anymore. Go somewhere that protects you as a person and brings out your passions." Honestly, it was exactly the kind of pep talk I needed right then, and he truly was a god send. He said if the girls and I stared our own horse rental, that he'd book a ride with us, and I thought that was so pure. The universe always has a way. :)
In Boston customs the agent asked me the normal questions, and I choked out my one word answers I had rehearsed so I didn't have to think about it too much, but right at the end he asked "did you bring back anything valuable," to which I said "no," and he laughed back "must not have been a good trip then!" The straw that broke the camels back (that was my tear dam at the current moment). I just said "nope it sucked" back to him and took my passport and ran to the bathroom. The was probably a sus move, but I feel like I look generally harmless even when I'm sprinting away from customs. I quickly got myself back under control with the help, ironically (or more so hilariously), of the only music that stops the crying right now--Ne Reviens Pas. Even though I was about to literally crush it out of Axelle's aux in the western fjords, for some reason today it makes me feel like Axelle is still right next to me laughing--"it is ok! it's all so funny!" And that makes everything better. Call it the pregnancy craving of music taste. A friend I had planned to meet up with for a few days altogether stopped responding to me after we booked all of our things, so I had to scramble to find a flight home from Boston—all while I was on the verge of violent tears—and my only option ended up being a shitty southwest route that I am currently still on…12 hours later. This flight has been delayed, 3 times? Such an immediate reminder of the people I moved away from (and why), and the beautiful humans I now have in my life. At this point it just hurts to be going to South Carolina. It hurts a lot. I know its temporary, and I won't be there for very long, and I know that the harder the goodbye the more important the lesson, but ughy ugh.
After all, it's a big emotional world out there--& I'm truly just a wee little Martin.
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